miss filipiniana

So it's the day of this event that I've been practicing for,getting yelled at for being home late,creating rough patches w| a few of the bestest,&& the same event that has increased my lack of sleep. The regents wasn't too bad&&well I finally got through the tango after inumberable times of messing up&&disappointing myself && joel bc his standards in dancing the tango are wayy up there.
I've been so distracted on && off && zone-ing out segment after segment. I believe I can pull this off though.
Adrianne's leaving in two days&&I haven't exactly been the best friend to her in all this. What she doesn't know && I haven't gotten the couragee to tell her is that when she told me she was leaving,I cried not knowing what to do && well I've acted upon that trying to have a front&&stopped thinking properly. Not the stop thinking when I dance to get all the moves right,but the loss of thought && words of not being a b!tch && semi-bitter since she is leaving. We've been through so much especially these last 2years&&it sucks ass that she is leaving.I know it's not for good,but either a year or four w| only visits as vacay&&well I'm hoping I will see her duriing those vacay visits. She hasn't even left yet && I want her to visit. I guess I'm also a little uptight bout it bc the last best friend && first best friend who moved,I haven't seen in 5 years&&I know when she ends up visiting.
Soo as I'm here at tita linda's hair salon,drying my hair,has it only dawned on me that as much as I love to conceal my feelings,I can't anymore. All of them get displaced&&I end up having mental breakdowns. Yeah,that means that I find myself crying randomly,quietly of course&&I only cry w| sounds && dramatizations whenever I'm at a healing mass or LSS && sometimes even then,I'm quiet. So I could even be in the car crying && no one would know unless you were to look directly at me.
Idk anymore,I'm still nervous about this whole day && I want it to be all over,still there's that part of me that's like I don't even want it to end. Oh && this time my whole family is going! My Ate Roslyn is singing the filipino national anthem,my Ate Rhoda made her delicious browines && she's coming too. My Kuya Marc will be there && my ninang. I'm really praying that PNYM goes! Granted that people have work,there's Tita Faye's suprise baby shower that might be cancelled&&there's Adrianne's graduation/picnic/going away gathering. So yeah,&& I'm hoping Rowan && I can make up a waltz on the spot which by the way I haven't even made the cd w| all the songs.
So much to do so little time,&& well w| my mom yeling at me here && there,she's as b!tchy as I am when days like this come to play when preparing,cooking,cleaning,&&getting ready. I'm pretty sure I get like this bc of her but whatever. If all goes well, I'll be ecstatic!
Prayers pleasee&&I hope ppl come throughh!
It starts at 2:30,@ our lady of the angelus school here across the street from my housee in rego park =)