concealed

There's been so many things that I've been concealing inside of me that it's as if I'm battling against something that just won't go away.I've been battling against myself.Concealing everything and have it all well up inside.All I can do is just cry randomly and hurt all over. That "feeling" of someone taking my heart and tearing it away.The feeling of being trapped where no one can hear me or see me hurt.I've created so many walls that tower over me that lately I've been knocking down foot by foot. In doing so,more wounds open and hurt 10x more than the first time the wound was open. Sucks to read right? but it sucks to say that this is what I've been harboring for awhile now and now is when all I'd love to do is yell,scream,kick&&everything to release all this unwanted pain.I wish I could feel that happiness I have and that peace that continuously shows when I dance all the stress away.
I wish I could run away...just pack up and leave...Stay in a home that feels home-like.Because that's far from where I am.If you consider a house where no one talks to each other unless they need something from you,where everyone and everything is misunderstood,where there is more arguements and remarks of failure,the reference to your so called home a garage a home than that's what type of home I live in. Where its literally a place for people to just sleep and if lucky enough eat together than that's where I live. Where the least bit of respect is held to value&&disappointment lingers than that's where I live. When the activities you enjoy the most are taken away from you and you get reprimanded for giving off attitude every now and then than thats the atmosphere I live in,breathe&&part of me dies each passing day.Where all the pictures I've taken and posted are not of my immediate family but my extended then that's selfexplaintory in itself. Where the family photos are everywhere but just for show.Everything has its balance.So I'm guessing that this is just what I need to make that balance complete,as I type this entry I cry for several reasons.I dont exactly know if this entry makes any sense when you read it but its helping me ever so slightly. I wonder what would happen if I ever did run away or just maybe never wake up.Be in a coma.So emo&&no where near who I am.If you were to hear me now,you'd feel my hurt and sense of emptyness and being soo lost. All I can say now is that "Lord in you I entrust this life,to lift everything in Your name&&find comfort within Your OPEN ARMS."
I know I'll be better soon..........