well i guess things never change.procrastination or not.ignorance or indifference.liking someone&&loving many.maybe im just rambling about nothing or everything at a time.so ive changed a few things about myself; in appearance&attitude.mind&&soul.perspective from aspect.each day i try harder&&harder to find out who i am&who this person, being has become&&is very much becoming.its life isnt it? "lifee happens&&it so happens that lfe's not fair..." what is the meaning of being fair? what is the meaning of truly loving someone&&expressing it freely without hestitation? whether through a hug,kiss,or just a call? in each day that passes me by, ive seemed to lose one thing or another, a misfortune of mine that occurs every so often. not saying materially but mentally, emotionally&&friendship-based. its true im a lost person. in a world that goes through its course with me as if im watching from some place else.not allowed to pause, press play, or rewind....not even to feel that im present within the moment....its as if i have a pilot playing the role of my life&&i cant escape thisplace that no one hears me or feels what i feel. okay granted that im sure people have felt the way ive felt.but its no reassurance for me at all.yeahh i know very well i have God&&no one &&nothing can take Him away from this life.its as if i dont feel anymore&&its as if i can barely say a word to the ones i love dearly at most a "hi".i laugh to hide whats supposed to be a tear.but even a tear i shed not.not emotion just numbness; heart,soul,mind&&body.what is this phase? what part of life is this that im "in"? as if i cant breathe&&feel no heart beating. a death painful nonethelesss but how is it death if im still here? If only I can die to myself to truly live. I pray that I die to myself to live the life that's meant for me. that is pefectly planned out. most of this entry makes no sense&&yet it means something to me for then it wouldnt be typed here in this space....for the eyes who read this, for the people who care,for the ones who know what im feeling or rather feel nothing.I LOVE YOU! (somewhere inside me i have loved you&&for some still love you)
i'll be okay one day...just not at the moment&&not when you ask if im sure i'll be fine