undecided

Given the current situations and under the circumstances,I'm in a bit of a struggle between myself. This idle time that I've been given has allowed me to think way too much&sleep less. When I seem to start talking,there's something missing on the other side. Funny,it seems only to be inside my mind that this is all happening. In reality, it's what I only make it to be. So the holidays are coming and I'm not too sure what to feel anymore. Or rather to feel at all. The holidays are supposed to make me relax. Yet, there's all these assignments and projects the teachers love to give that take up all the time in the world.
It's like I'm looking from the outside. Like I'm on pilot. All I see is me from a glass window. It's like I'm self destructing or something. One part of me just wants to end the situation altogether and start from the beginning. I feel like I'm in this comfort zone for too long. It's beginning to seap in and bore the heck out of me. It also has to deal with another person...How do you tell someone that you're unsure of what's to come? How do you express that although you care about them...the direction you're both heading may not be the same as it used to be. How do you tell someone else to speak up and say what they actually mean to your face and not to everyone else behind your back? How can people act a certain way around you and even after for awhile and say nothing about it? How many times must I witness the unspoken part of what one feels or fails to verbally express to my face? Why is it that I have all this time to think and not to act? All I seem to see are these two people. They each mean something different to me but within a similar category persay. Rambaling on and on about nothing. If you had to choose someone to be by your side for as long as possible other than well God. Who is just always there regardless,who would it be?

the question that is just wandering in my mind...not in the sense of marriage or bf/gf status. just in general.

would you tear down the walls i put up to have you tear me down and build me up once again to a better me?