I wish this Christmas that someone would tell me the truth. It's only because no one wants to say anything to each other in fear of it being real. Mind you, its driving us both up the wall. And well watching a lovey-dove-ee movie didn't exactly help. Expressing the message, during Christmas time is when people tend to tell the truth. So the Christmas Spirit, seems to do that to most. Which puts me in a not so difficult position. Yet, I still have doubts on how to apporach both sides of my story. Sure I have a 'plan' but I don't exactly trust myself. All I want to know is the truth. The "real" truth. How much longer do I have to wait? This New Year, I'd like to make the resolution to trust God more,be true myself and my peelings,&& well have more courage to put myself out there in admitting to some of those peelings&& NOT PRESSURES! This new year will be part of the turning point in 'my' life. At least that's what I'd like to happen especially because I'd like to become more level headed before I move away to go to college =). I know in a year its not going to be perfectly planned out as according to my plan but HIS.
I'd like to let you know the truth...both persons...holiding everything off is my mistake. To wait it out isn't the best idea. Somehow,I know its going to be alright for both cases. I won't exactly be losing people but just losing them in well part of the relationship as friends. The part I dislike very much. To lose someone but it's part of the changes in life. When life changes constantly, our human structure finds its way to bring back equilibrium. I know balance has a great deal with oneself. With one's thoughts, desires, drives, fears, goals, and outline of where they'd like to be. This is easier than I make it to be. Confuse myself like an equivicator to back out of my plans. To not move foward. When I'm genuinely supposed to keep moving foward. So I've reached a lull period of time. Someone save me...I'd like it to be you. And well knowing the way its been the past couple of months and whatnot, You would be the one to 'kidnap' me just to bring me back to the reality of it being 'perfect'. What is it about those three words. That people fear of saying out loud to the ones they 'heart' Its the fear of not hearing or being mutual in that sense. Well in any case, this year...you'll know. Even if it isn't the same. It won't necessarily matter. The unspoken ish that we've been pulling well if one of us ever speaks up will be 'enough' for me.
I know I'm not supposed to 'care' what people think. But human flaw..I do care. But the idea of that I care more about what you think than anyone else at all. For all everyone is at the moment is another person who cares about me in the way I care about them. To fear for me the pain and agony of feeling a certain way or just hurting over something that maybe to them isn't of significance. What is it about the Christmas season that people decide to tell the truth...
ITS BECAUSE CHRISTMAS TIME, THE BIRTH OF JESUS TELLS US THE START OF GOD'S LOVE FOR US IN THE HUMAN FORM...
P.S.
for anyone who reads this.merry Chirstmas,happy holidays,&& I love you.
"love thy neighbor as oneself"
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