I wish this Christmas that someone would tell me the truth. It's only because no one wants to say anything to each other in fear of it being real. Mind you, its driving us both up the wall. And well watching a lovey-dove-ee movie didn't exactly help. Expressing the message, during Christmas time is when people tend to tell the truth. So the Christmas Spirit, seems to do that to most. Which puts me in a not so difficult position. Yet, I still have doubts on how to apporach both sides of my story. Sure I have a 'plan' but I don't exactly trust myself. All I want to know is the truth. The "real" truth. How much longer do I have to wait? This New Year, I'd like to make the resolution to trust God more,be true myself and my peelings,&& well have more courage to put myself out there in admitting to some of those peelings&& NOT PRESSURES! This new year will be part of the turning point in 'my' life. At least that's what I'd like to happen especially because I'd like to become more level headed before I move away to go to college =). I know in a year its not going to be perfectly planned out as according to my plan but HIS.
I'd like to let you know the truth...both persons...holiding everything off is my mistake. To wait it out isn't the best idea. Somehow,I know its going to be alright for both cases. I won't exactly be losing people but just losing them in well part of the relationship as friends. The part I dislike very much. To lose someone but it's part of the changes in life. When life changes constantly, our human structure finds its way to bring back equilibrium. I know balance has a great deal with oneself. With one's thoughts, desires, drives, fears, goals, and outline of where they'd like to be. This is easier than I make it to be. Confuse myself like an equivicator to back out of my plans. To not move foward. When I'm genuinely supposed to keep moving foward. So I've reached a lull period of time. Someone save me...I'd like it to be you. And well knowing the way its been the past couple of months and whatnot, You would be the one to 'kidnap' me just to bring me back to the reality of it being 'perfect'. What is it about those three words. That people fear of saying out loud to the ones they 'heart' Its the fear of not hearing or being mutual in that sense. Well in any case, this year...you'll know. Even if it isn't the same. It won't necessarily matter. The unspoken ish that we've been pulling well if one of us ever speaks up will be 'enough' for me.
I know I'm not supposed to 'care' what people think. But human flaw..I do care. But the idea of that I care more about what you think than anyone else at all. For all everyone is at the moment is another person who cares about me in the way I care about them. To fear for me the pain and agony of feeling a certain way or just hurting over something that maybe to them isn't of significance. What is it about the Christmas season that people decide to tell the truth...
ITS BECAUSE CHRISTMAS TIME, THE BIRTH OF JESUS TELLS US THE START OF GOD'S LOVE FOR US IN THE HUMAN FORM...
P.S.
for anyone who reads this.merry Chirstmas,happy holidays,&& I love you.
"love thy neighbor as oneself"
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
undecided
Given the current situations and under the circumstances,I'm in a bit of a struggle between myself. This idle time that I've been given has allowed me to think way too much&sleep less. When I seem to start talking,there's something missing on the other side. Funny,it seems only to be inside my mind that this is all happening. In reality, it's what I only make it to be. So the holidays are coming and I'm not too sure what to feel anymore. Or rather to feel at all. The holidays are supposed to make me relax. Yet, there's all these assignments and projects the teachers love to give that take up all the time in the world.
It's like I'm looking from the outside. Like I'm on pilot. All I see is me from a glass window. It's like I'm self destructing or something. One part of me just wants to end the situation altogether and start from the beginning. I feel like I'm in this comfort zone for too long. It's beginning to seap in and bore the heck out of me. It also has to deal with another person...How do you tell someone that you're unsure of what's to come? How do you express that although you care about them...the direction you're both heading may not be the same as it used to be. How do you tell someone else to speak up and say what they actually mean to your face and not to everyone else behind your back? How can people act a certain way around you and even after for awhile and say nothing about it? How many times must I witness the unspoken part of what one feels or fails to verbally express to my face? Why is it that I have all this time to think and not to act? All I seem to see are these two people. They each mean something different to me but within a similar category persay. Rambaling on and on about nothing. If you had to choose someone to be by your side for as long as possible other than well God. Who is just always there regardless,who would it be?
the question that is just wandering in my mind...not in the sense of marriage or bf/gf status. just in general.
would you tear down the walls i put up to have you tear me down and build me up once again to a better me?
It's like I'm looking from the outside. Like I'm on pilot. All I see is me from a glass window. It's like I'm self destructing or something. One part of me just wants to end the situation altogether and start from the beginning. I feel like I'm in this comfort zone for too long. It's beginning to seap in and bore the heck out of me. It also has to deal with another person...How do you tell someone that you're unsure of what's to come? How do you express that although you care about them...the direction you're both heading may not be the same as it used to be. How do you tell someone else to speak up and say what they actually mean to your face and not to everyone else behind your back? How can people act a certain way around you and even after for awhile and say nothing about it? How many times must I witness the unspoken part of what one feels or fails to verbally express to my face? Why is it that I have all this time to think and not to act? All I seem to see are these two people. They each mean something different to me but within a similar category persay. Rambaling on and on about nothing. If you had to choose someone to be by your side for as long as possible other than well God. Who is just always there regardless,who would it be?
the question that is just wandering in my mind...not in the sense of marriage or bf/gf status. just in general.
would you tear down the walls i put up to have you tear me down and build me up once again to a better me?
Friday, December 12, 2008
LSS *08
LSS *oh eight. What is there to say about last weekendd.I'm truly blessed. For everyone who went I commend you&thank God that you've been chosen for a secluded weekend with HIM and HIM ALONE!*shout out to diego =)
LSS this year has been one of the greatest experiences and life changing for many different reasons. Sure on the outside,it may have been seen as I only sing and that's it. Out of the dynamics,speakers,sharers,praise&worship,workshops&&honestly the joy of the candidates learning more about God was truly an amazing feeling.The fact that Passion came was nothing more than another grace from GOD.LSS changes for me every year. This year just blew my mind. Fortunately, I'm still on that Spiritual High but with Highs I have had a few lows...falling back into a spur of the moment cursing rant.But luckily, calm enough to relaax and prevent myself from repeating as often as it used to occur.I'm not perfect.LSS is one of many experiences. R.E.D. rekindling.establishing.deepening the relationship with God.LSS is living in the Spirit. Allowing oneself to open up to Him and even people we meet within the experience. Sharing one's beliefs. Kellengberg Emmanuel Marianist retreat house is a safe haven of security. A place of complete solitude with people you learn to love and/or already love. LSS isn't only about praying nonstop or going to mass more than once a day but going as a community of people united.This year's LSS is something different.Not only was there so many new candidates but they were truly open to hear what God needed to say. There's nothing greater than the presence of God when more than one are gathered in His Name.
ON ANOTHERR NOTE: I CAN'T WAIT FOR CHRISTMASS<3
LSS this year has been one of the greatest experiences and life changing for many different reasons. Sure on the outside,it may have been seen as I only sing and that's it. Out of the dynamics,speakers,sharers,praise&worship,workshops&&honestly the joy of the candidates learning more about God was truly an amazing feeling.The fact that Passion came was nothing more than another grace from GOD.LSS changes for me every year. This year just blew my mind. Fortunately, I'm still on that Spiritual High but with Highs I have had a few lows...falling back into a spur of the moment cursing rant.But luckily, calm enough to relaax and prevent myself from repeating as often as it used to occur.I'm not perfect.LSS is one of many experiences. R.E.D. rekindling.establishing.deepening the relationship with God.LSS is living in the Spirit. Allowing oneself to open up to Him and even people we meet within the experience. Sharing one's beliefs. Kellengberg Emmanuel Marianist retreat house is a safe haven of security. A place of complete solitude with people you learn to love and/or already love. LSS isn't only about praying nonstop or going to mass more than once a day but going as a community of people united.This year's LSS is something different.Not only was there so many new candidates but they were truly open to hear what God needed to say. There's nothing greater than the presence of God when more than one are gathered in His Name.
ON ANOTHERR NOTE: I CAN'T WAIT FOR CHRISTMASS<3
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