&the spring in my step has now broken

In contrast to the post before this,I decided to mess up the way things are with a simple text that was never to be sent to you. I confused you afterwards,made myself look like the "little girl" and btch that just happened to be in the worst mood of all. To now not regretting everything that has happened between us because things happen for a reason...but I lost sight of reminding myself that we weren't anything,we aren't anything,we are and just were friends. My desires to be more took a toll on me to get me where? Here, not talking to you or rather you stop replying to our usual "morning texts" or texts about what we're doing and how we're feeling. There's a POSSIBILITY a huge one in fact..hence the CAPS,that I'll be seeing you tomorrow...now what to do about that? I have no idea. Our mutual friends probably know the business and now I don't know how to feel or if I should feel anything at all. Sometimes this is the very reason why I dislike being a girl for we think with our "feelings" and not "reality" in being practical or things being the way they are as is instead of what we "feel" things are what they seem to be. I can't help but feel foolish or honestly dumbfounded at everything that has happened to me within the past 48 hours. Honestly,where is my head nowadays? Lost in confusion and sin. Ugh,why'd I choose to fall so far and fall so hard knowing I'd be in a place I despise the most. I've crossed the line one too many times...and I don't know how to get back.
I want to say I miss the person who I thought I did. But now the only person I miss is the person who won't talk to me or reply to my calls or texts. Three Strikes&it wasn't you who's out,it's me.